Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
