If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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