she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
