I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
