ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
