Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
