it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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