wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Houston, we have a squirter
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
