sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
