Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
