i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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