You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
