I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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