i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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