Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
