There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
