she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
