Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
