all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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