It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
