I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
