I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
