I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
