I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
