You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
