I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
