But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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