I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
