hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
