I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
