New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
