I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
