I just threw up on my dentist
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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