hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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