WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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