What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
