just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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