No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You made out with two different species that night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
