I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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