i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
