The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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