The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
