When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
