Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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