im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
