I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
