But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
