we're blogging at a bar
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
