We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
