Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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