Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
