she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
