Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize