you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
