Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Found the puke drawer
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
