I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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