can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
