he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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